so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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