I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
