so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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