There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
