Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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