apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
