dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
