just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
