his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
