I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
