It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
