Are we in a gay sports bar?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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