I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
