Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
