I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
