She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
