you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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