we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
