You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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