It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
