Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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