Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
