Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need moral support for this bender
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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