I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
These tits shall not be calmed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
