I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
