She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize