Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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