we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
