i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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