The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
