I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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