You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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