planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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