Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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