hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
