she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
