Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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