just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
