shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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