I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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