oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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