i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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