The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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