Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Randomize