I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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