why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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