he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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