Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
