Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
