Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
