dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
