butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize