margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
