Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
