my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
