And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wear drunk well.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
