Just fell off a train. Bad.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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