he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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