Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Acid is not a monday night drug
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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