It was confusing and full of hummus
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
