my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
