Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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