Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
