i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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