i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
