Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize