I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
