Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
