OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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