I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
