yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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