Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
